If you’re like me, you’ve always wondered why there aren’t more games for gay-car owners. No, not gay car owners, but those who are in possession of a car who happens to be gay. Well, now you can rest easy; Robert Yang is looking out for you.
Enter Stick Shift. No—no, don’t; I didn’t mean that literally. And I have to qualify, I guess, because while you don’t consummate your love with this homosexual car, your object in this super-short game is to manually stimulate the vehicle.
The game has an average run-time of 4-7 minutes and offers two equally one-sided conclusions. A) You…ahem…you know…get your car to where its going…with your hand. In that scenario, your character—presumably the kind of guy who’s comfortable enough with his sexuality to jerk off a car—work his hand up and down the gear shift until…stuff happens. That stuff, as it were, oozes lazily out of the vehicle’s exhaust pipe upon the conclusion of the play-through. B) You get busted by the cops. That’s right—apparently they don’t take too kindly to your kind in this heterosexual car-and-driver community. Blow them a kiss—because, apparently, that’s what your character would do—to suffer through a ten-minute wait before you can get back to beating off your man-car.
Stick Shift is actually a little more complicated and symbolic than its super-sexy plotline, but I don’t really want to spoil it for those of who you who came to this write-up looking for a social commentary on the rights of the LGBT community. You can read more about that here, where the creative force behind the game, Robert Yang, explains his mission and his vision for Stick Shift. Yang delves into the inspiration for this outrageous short online (spoiler alert: this was all brought to you as an homage from the mind of Andy Warhol and his short film Blow Job). He also draws a correlation between this game and his other two short, erotic video game experiences.
And just what are those other game experiences? Thank God you asked. You can play, at no cost to you, right now, Hurt Me Plenty. In this game, you spank the hell out of a grown-ass man; A “hunk,” according to the game’s description. Be careful not to abuse his trust, though. If you beat that ass too hard, you’ll be locked out of the game for an indeterminate amount of time.
If you’re more interested in watching an adult male suck the ever-loving crap out of a popsicle that looks as firm as a corndog, this is your lucky day: Robert Yang’s Succulent gives you the opportunity to do just that. He’s wearing sunglasses while he gets that thing all up in there (no gagging, I might add), so it’s not even that gay. I had to laugh out loud at the game description for Succulent, which included the following incredibly amusing descriptions: “Succulent is a short interactive music video game thing where you watch a hunk suck a _____ for a few minutes”; “Now featuring new stunning immersive “cheek physics” technology!”; and “SUBTLETY: Absolutely none.”
Clearly, Robert Yang is a genius to whom I must give all of my monies. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to download Intimate, Infinite—a series of short first person games “about gardening, chess, history, infinity, and a murder.” After which, I’ll head over to play Chandelier, a short homage about Sia’s wildly popular and incredibly overplayed “Chandelier.” And then, just because I can, I’m gonna jerk off my car. Thank you, Robert Yang. The world needs more games like the ludicrous shorts that you produce.
Stick Shift, as well as all of the games I’ve mentioned and more, are available for pay-what-you-want on Itch.io.
