Star Wars Battlefront DLC Rumors

We’re just a week or so (corporations hate release dates) away from Dice’s first Star Wars Battlefront DLC content release, and the excitement (or hatred, depending on your camp) is palpable. While Dice has already announced what the first 3 DLC packs will be relating to, they have only teased a fourth mystery pack. Luckily, I have done some ‘very real’ research, and have composed the top three likely candidates for Star Wars Battlefront’s 4th DLC pack due out next winter.

Politician’s Playground

Who didn’t want to fly one of these as a kid?! – No one Ever

This DLC pack will focus entirely on the gritty political battlefield of Coruscant. Players will be trading in their weapons for paperwork, in a government-sanctioned death match not soon to be forgotten. As an added challenge to the traditional (using that term loosely) Battlefront formula, the only way to do combat damage to another player will be through hired assassins (not playable) or bruising an opponent’s pride until they succumb. With these changes Dice will shake up the FPS landscape, and give Star Wars fans what they’ve always wanted, more politics.

This pack will include access to one new vehicle: The delegate chair (seen hovering in all of the Star Wars prequels, in our favorite scenes of political unrest). Players can cruise around at slow speeds on this raging disk of progress, while trying their best to filibuster the enemy team. Each disk will seat up to three players, and the map will only start with three on each side, spawned right at the back where they can be easily camped.

Remember when they shoehorned this guy in?

Politician’s Playground will also introduce two new playable heroes: Senator Bail Organa as well as the head of the galactic trade federation. Neither possess a lightsaber, but they do possess red tape, an ability that will once more stifle the enemy team’s progress, until they can do nothing but shake their fists angrily and wait for their turn to play. Both characters will be voiced by Mickey Rourke, to capture the cutthroat aspect of the political landscape in Star Wars (and because the original actors are doing better things).

Probability: 35% (about the chance of hitting something about two meters wide with a torpedo)

Gungan Rising

This is a fair fight, right guys?

My second prediction would place players right in the middle of the tense racial conflict between the native Gungans of Naboo, and the humans inhabiting the surface. Set 50 years before the Phantom Menace, Gungan Rising would focus on the war between the two species that nearly decimated the planet. In order to maintain historical accuracy, gameplay would be asymmetric, with the Gungans getting half as many players on their team, and no use of modern weaponry (because we know Dice cares so much about cannon).

Also looking like he’s about to steal a cookie from your jar.

This DLC would come with two new playable characters: Jar Jar Binks (a fan favorite), and Boss Nass. A Dice official will undoubtedly say “We wanted to capture the ruthless efficiency of Jar Jar, while also staying true to his character. It’s important to remember that Star Wars Battlefront first and foremost has the players at heart, and we wouldn’t want to disappoint them.” Jar Jar will also have a secret power that is unlocked after 50 kills, called Puppet Master. When he achieves this streak, it will be revealed that he is actually the grand architect behind the Sith uprising, and both teams will lose. Boss Nass will have no powers other than his passive abilities of judgment, and shaking his face fat.

Unfortunately for dice, there’s not much to draw on character (caricature?) wise from the Naboo, as most of their characters were actually replaced by cardboard cutouts halfway through filming Phantom Menace. Players on the Naboo side will however, get access to Naboo Starfighters, tanks, and land speeders, while the Gungans will get access to the Bongo water craft (because Dice is really good at keeping their maps balanced, even when one side has a ridiculous advantage, and wins every time, regardless of another player’s skill… ARE YOU LISTENING DICE?!)

Probability: 50% (The chance that Jar Jar is actually Snoke)

Sand Castle

Our final prediction revolves around the central character of the Star Wars prequels, Anakin Skywalker. Once again, Dice will be headed to Tatooine (“There’s so much we can do with sand planets guys!” – Dice Employee), and rounding out its roster with a few more tastefully dry maps. In this offering we will see two new arenas, as well as a new game mode. The biggest map of the release will focus on Mos Eisley’s slavery district, where players will dodge around the obstacles of gentrification and poverty. When players find themselves in the poorer parts of town, they will be confronted with the decision of fending of street urchins with lethal force, or losing their star cards to pick-pockets.

Sand castle will also introduce a new gameplay mode called Tusken Raider Slaughter. This will see one player as Anakin, while the entire opposing team is made up of sleeping Tusken Raiders. Players on the Tusken team will have to press a series of increasingly difficult button patterns to wake their character up before Anakin finds them. Even then, they will be equipped with nothing but Gafi Sticks, an all but useless weapon. This should offer a change of pace for those used to the futility of some of Star Wars Battlefront’s more one sided modes. It’s estimated that players on the Tusken side stand about a .01% chance of winning, if they can be perfectly coordinated, and Anakin’s Mother does not spawn towards the front of the map.AnakinCarriesShmi'sBody-AOTC

In addition to being playable in the new TRS game mode, Anakin will also be added to the burgeoning (there’s six of them you guys!) hero roster. His powers will include force jumping, cowering at the mechanical version of his older self, and slowly losing health whenever he is touching sand (because it’s coarse and gets everywhere). Fans of the series will be happy to note that Dice has heeded the complaints about the lackluster voice acting of the other playable characters, and will be bringing back Hayden Christiansen to voice the character (mostly because he wasn’t all that busy anyway).

Probability: 5% (The chance that Jake Lloyd ends up acting again)

Well that’s it for my predictions. What do you think? Is there something I missed? Is Dice meeting your DLC needs/wants for Star Wars Battlefront? Let us know in the comments below, and be sure to follow us on Twitter/Facebook!

Ashton Macaulay

Ashton lives in the fairy tale village of Redmond Washington, has written a novel about a drunken monster hunter, and takes no responsibility for the sense of awe his articles might inspire.

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